GM's Demise Caused By NASCAR Driver Kyle Busch, Study Suggests
March 30, 2009
"When Kyle Busch, NASCAR's most exciting driver, abandoned Chevrolets for Toyotas, the American automobile industry broke ground for a new grave," according to a new study released by Freecheezeburgerz University.
"Kyle Busch put General Motors over the edge," said the first sentence of the fictitious report entitled, "HOW AND WHY KYLE BUSCH DESTROYED THE AMERICAN AUTOMOBILE INDUSTRY AND THEN TOOK A BOW."
"Because of Kyle Busch, Packard and Studebaker will soon have company underground swimming with the fishes," said the mixed metaphor report.
The report committee of eighteen mathematicians, two magicians, one semi-competent monkey trainer, a pierced illiterate psychic and four Nobel Prize economists said that although Kyle Busch most likely has bigger evil dreams than merely destroying an entire industry, he is nevertheless responsible.
"Evidence that we invented implicates Kyle Busch," said the report that was typed by trained monkeys.
The report, dictated by Lee Kabooby, creator of the prestigious Kabooby Business School at Freecheezeburgerz University, said that although Kyle Busch is not allowed to win the cup in the corporate times of Chevrolet's own polished Jimmy Johnson, "he is clearly the driver to watch in any and every race."
Two years ago when Kyle Busch was fired by owner Rick Hendrick and thus by Chevrolet, he was replaced by t-shirt salesman Dale Earnhardt Jr., "and the dominoes didn't stop then," said the study.
Busch took his superior hand-eye coordination and his brash personality to Joe Gibbs, who has been smart enough to sit back and watch as Busch drives his Toyota terrifically on television. Gibbs, coincidentally, once resided in Washington - home of the new owner of General Motors.
Meanwhile "win sometimes on Sunday," has meant sell sometimes on Monday for the corporate GM bunch that have apparently decided to build cars like they hire drivers - in the mold.
"The staff of Freecheezeburgerz University recognizes that Jimmy Johnson has won three straight championships driving Chevrolets. But we love to watch Kyle Busch drive and economic evidence suggests that others do as well."
The report concluded with the academic phrase...
"Just saying."
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