RULES FOR BAD BOSSES
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November 13th, 2007
My name is Lee Kabooby and I am a bad boss. I am the greatest bad boss ever and now I am a consultant for bad bosses. I did not become Lee Kabooby by sitting around waiting for awesome things to happen to me. I stole from a charity.
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Then I bought a company, cut everyone's wages and eliminated all but one of the toilets. Employees at my company are required to pitch into the "Toilet Paper Fund," which I pilfer and use as drinking money. It's not much - shit money really. I just piss it away.
Yes, I am Lee Kabooby and I am a go-getter and if you don't like it, get going and start your own company. But first buy my book because the world needs more bad bosses…
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COMPLIMENTS ARE CHEAPER THAN CASH
A Guide For Bad Bosses
by Lee Kabooby
TABLE OF CONTENTS
PART ONE: YOUR PRIORITY IS YOU
1) Your third house is more important than their third child
2) You need more vacation than all of them together
3) Refuse to sexually harass ugly people
4) Catch them with drugs and you get their drugs!
5) Laugh at their ideas, and then steal them
6) Talking temper tantrums
PART ONE: SMILE WHEN YOU LIE
7) Keep them confused; chaos is your friend
8) Empty promises are better than an empty checkbook, and keeping promises sets bad precedent
9) The best ways to say, "The check is in the mail"
PART THREE: THE NOTHING/NOTHING PRINCIPALS
10) You do Nothing and the employees get Nothing
11) Say Nothing bad to strangers and Nothing good to employees
12) Invest in Nothing and complain that Nothing works
PART FOUR: COMPLIMENTS ARE CHEAPER THAN CASH
13) Be mean to leverage the value of compliments
14) Befriend and then betray
15) Turn hypocrisy into bureaucracy
16) Get rich by saying, "Great job!"
APPENDIX - Giving Compliments As Holiday Bonuses
OR…
You could buy a book for good leaders.
My first book collaboration was with Hap Klopp, the founder of The North Face.
You've seen their coats. The North Face makes great stuff and Hap Klopp wrote a great book - "The Adventure of Leadership."
He supplied world-class adventurers and in the book he uses adventuring as a metaphor for business.
He says that if you enjoy what you do, you'll be better at it.
That's a cool message!
Check it out. It's a great message and a great book.
THE ADVENTURE OF LEADERSHIP
An Unorthodox Business Guide
By Hap Klopp
with Brian Tarcy
Previous columns
Conspiracy Theories and such
Theory #1 - Vick's Dogs
Theory #2 - Fenway Park
Bag O' Burgers #1
Will Vote For Money
Freecheezeburgerz
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Check it out! -
(Let's go racin')
MY NEW BOOK
CHAPTER ONE BEGINS...
"Imagine driving almost 200-mph in bumper-to-bumper traffic. Now imagine driving like that in your own car.
Talk about rush hour.
This is a book about the world of NASCAR (National Association for Stock Car Automobile Racing) - big-time automobile racing in which the cars look like yours, sort of. And that's why, if you watch for even a little while, it's easy to imagine yourself driving one of these cars.
Let's say you are driving from Cleveland to New York City (or, if you'd like, New Orleans to Dallas) in this kind of inches-away wild traffic and for all 500 miles 42 other stubborn, road-rage-waiting-to-happen drivers around you will do most anything to get there first - including team up, even with you.
Imagine a crossroads where technology meets human skill. Your hands are on the wheel and your scruples are on display.
For some reason, this route has a lot of left turns, millions of people are watching and, oh yeah, corporate America has placed a very large bet on you getting there first. Plus, get this - there could be a fiery sedan-flipping crash at any instant and you might have no choice but to be part of it. Yes, people have died doing this. Others have found incredible glory. Some have found both.
Inches away. Are your palms sweating yet?
In this opening chapter, you'll get an introduction into the appeal of all kinds of racing as well as a basic explanation of NASCAR racing, which is a specific kind of automobile racing featuring cars that look like yours."
IT'S A GREAT CHRISTMAS PRESENT. ORDER IT TODAY!
The Complete Idiot's Guide To NASCAR is available for preorder today at Amazon.com.
Check out my two other websites:
Whatzgonnahappen.com
(NFL predictions/satire)
Briantarcy.com
(my writing business)
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