THE AMY WINEHOUSE OBAMA SONG FOR PITTSBURGH PIRATES FANS
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February 21, 2008
Amy “No, No, No” Winehouse produced a video for Barack Obama and Pittsburgh Pirates fans. Yes we can’t/No! No! No!
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Obama: It was a creed written into the founding documents of Freecheezeburgerz (an almost parallel universe) that declared the destiny of all teams in Major League Baseball. Yes we can.
Pirates fan: Is he drunk?
Amy: No! No! No!
Obama: Just as Roger Clemens’ famous buttocks can switch teams, so too can dominance switch cities. We are not New York Yankees baseball and Pittsburgh Pirates baseball. We are Major League baseball. Yes we can.
Pirates fan: Maybe he’s just on steroids.
Amy: No! No! No!
Obama: After winning 10 straight primaries across this nation of Freecheezeburgerz (an almost parallel universe), it’s clear there is something happening in our country. It was whispered by fans of the St. Louis Cardinals, and fans of the Boston Red Sox as they blazed the trail towards the trophy. Yes we can.
Pirates fan: No! We can’t.
Amy: No! No! No!
Obama: It was sung by Livan Hernandez and Ichiro Suziki as they struck out for distant shores and by the Brooklyn Dodgers who pushed westward against unforgiving nostalgia. Yes we can.
Pirates fan: Well, the team might move.
Amy: No! No! No!
Obama: It was the call of Marvin Miller who organized, Lou Brock who sacrificed, George Steinbrenner who chose to buy a new frontier, and a slugger named Barry Bonds who took us to the mountaintop and pointed with a dirty syringe to the Promised Land. Yes we can to justice and equality.
Pirates fan: Has this dude even been to a Pirates game in the last decade?
Obama: Yes we can to opportunity and prosperity.
Pirates fan: Hey, did he say "Barry Bonds" a minute ago? That dude was skinny when he was here. Just like this guy now.
Obama: Yes we can heal this baseball team.
Pirates fan: Seriously, I bet he’s going to give the team steroids or HGH. You know, to try to quote-unquote heal the team.
Obama: Yes we can repair this team.
Pirates fan: Did I tell you? Did I tell you! Watch what he looks like in eight years. You’ll see.
Obama: Yes we can.
Amy: No! No! No!
Obama: We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynical baseball writers who will only grow louder and more dissonant in the weeks to come.
Pirates fan: This guy is blaming the media? I hate the media like every good baseball fan, but come on – has he seen the Pirates roster? We only won 68 games last year!
Amy: No! No! No!
Obama: We have been asked to pause for a reality check based on last year’s standings.
Pirates fan: I can’t even look at last year’s standings.
Amy: No! No! No!
Obama: We have been warned against offering fans of this team false hope.
Amy: They’re trying to make me to go PNC Park. I said, No! No! No!
Obama: But in the unlikely story that is Major League Baseball there has never been anything false about hope.
Pirates fan: Okay, okay, I get it. Spring training, rebirth, green grass, and all that high-minded literary baloney.
Obama: We know that the season ahead will be long, but always remember that no matter what obstacles stand in our teams’ way, nothing can withstand the power of millions of voices calling for change.
Pirates fan: How about millions of dollars?
Amy: They’re trying to make me go to PNC Park. I said, No! No! No!
Obama: And so now as we take spring training South and West, we learn the struggles of Alex Rodriguez are not so different from those of Xavier Nady.
Pirates fan: This guy’s gotta be drunk. I’ll have what he’s having.
Amy: No! No! No!
Obama: We learn that the hopes of the fan who buys a Jason Bay jersey in Pittsburgh are the same as the dreams of fan in New York wearing an Andy Pettite jersey.
Pirates fan: We want Jason Bay to do HGH?
Amy: No! No! No!
Obama: There is something happening in Freecheezeburgerz (an almost parallel universe). We are not as divided as the standings and payrolls suggest. We are one sport, one audience for beer commercials, and together we will begin the next great chapter in baseball’s story with three words that will ring from the empty left field bleachers all the way to the echo-filled right field grandstands…
Amy: No! No! No!
Pirates fan: I agree on one thing. I want change.
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Conspiracy Theories and such
Theory #1 - Vick's Dogs
Theory #2 - Fenway Park
Bag O' Burgers #1
Will Vote For Money
Rules For Bad Bosses
Theory #3, Milk-or-Whiskey Democracy
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If The Presidential Candidates Entered The 2008 Daytona 500
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