"The Yankees are going to the playoffs," said President George W. Bush. "Mission accomplished."

Bush made his statements in a Rose Garden ceremony featuring Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson, Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff, and New York Yankees secretary George Costanza.

Following on the heels of the $85-billion bailout of AIG, the Yankees bailout was viewed as necessary on Wall Street, which coincidentally is in New York.

"The Yankees are simply too big to fail," said Jim Cramer, host of CNBC’s "Mad Money."

By "loaning" the Yankees 15 MLB-wins, the government has again stuck its neck out for an under-performing behemoth on the verge of historic failure, said Cramer. "Look, a team run by Hank Steinbrenner isn't going to make the playoffs without help. The truth is, he's a dolt.”

But where does the government get 15 MLB-wins to loan out to the Yankees? Does it just have them sitting around somewhere? It turns out the government has a reserve of MLB-wins that it has been holding onto in case of an emergency. "The government is wise," said the government on government TV - FOX News.

Each year, teams such as the Kansas City Royals and Pittsburgh Pirates apply for a loan from the Federal Reserve of MLB-wins. Each year they have been turned down.

And now a Freecheezeburgerz investigation reveals that the government has actually been "taxing" those losing teams wins every year in order to put them in reserve just in case of the emergency that Yankees wouldn't make the playoffs.

"No one really imagined we’d ever get to this point," said Cramer. "But then no one imagined that Hank Steinbrenner could actually waste $209 million and not make the playoffs."

The problem came into focus this year when a team, the Tampa Bay Rays, that has historically been asked to pay MLB-win taxes refused to settle with the government and actually dared to put a major league baseball team on the field.

Sure, the team from Tampa only cost $43 million to run, which is about 20 percent of the Yankees payroll. But, as Cramer pointed out, "The team is from Tampa."

Although the Cinderella story of the upstart Rays has captivated quite a few imaginations outside of Manhattan, Cramer said the government realized that America simply cannot survive without the New York Yankees in the playoffs for the 14th straight year.

Cramer then defined "America" as the fans of the largest media market in the country. And then he recommended that another five wins be taken away from Kansas City because the team isn't using them for any good purpose anyway.

"Hey, this is capitalism," said Cramer. "And in capitalism, you need to bail out the really big guys."

And the small guys?

"Screw them."

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